


What the Devil don't know

by HeleneOfFlowers



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Asexuality, asexual!Chloe Decker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeleneOfFlowers/pseuds/HeleneOfFlowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer discovers why some people don't want to have sex with him and is surprisingly not too much of an asshole about the entire thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Devil don't know

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> This is my first fic in this fandom and I never expected Lucifer to be so hard to write but well, I was wrong. I know you could also see Chloe's lack of attraction to Lucifer as a sign she might be a lesbian but this is my personal headcanon for a number of other reasons so I just roll with it.  
> English isn't my first language so if you notice any mistakes please tell me! Of course, I'm always happy to read what you think of the story if you ever want to leave a comment.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

It was a normal night at LUX. The music was booming from the speakers, people were dancing or drinking everywhere and somewhere in the dark corners of the room, at least one couple was heavily making out. Maze was just finishing a Mojito when Lucifer appeared at the top of the stairs and made a beeline for the bar. He looked frustrated and angry, a look the demon turned barkeeper was seeing on him more and more often these last few weeks. She didn't say anything. Instead, she simply poured him a glass of scotch. Without a word, Lucifer took and downed it. He placed it down on the bar with a loud thud. “Another.”, he said in a raspy word. Maze obliged. This time, the Devil took his time drinking the beverage. As he was leaning on the bar, observing how the clients of his business were behaving and enjoying themselves this night, it didn't take long before a tall brunette in a dress that looked like it had been made for someone ten centimetres shorter than her approached Lucifer.

“Hey, I'm Haley.”, she introduced herself. Her voice was sultry and slightly slurred. Behind the bar, Maze rolled her eyes. Lucifer didn't even look at Haley. Quickly reading and asserting the situation, Maze decided to impose herself. 

“And he's not interested,” She took great care of swirling the ice pickle between her fingers in a way there was no way to miss it or to mistake how sharp it was. Haley simply threw her a quick but disgusted glance before disappearing without another word.

“Seriously, what is it with you lately? You look like a puppy left at a gas station!” Maze hissed at Lucifer who was still sipping his scotch.

“What is it, Maze? How can she resist me? Nobody can resist me! Why her?”

Maze rolled her eyes. _Chloe Decker_. Of course it was her. The detective that managed to turn Lucifer into some kind of boring, emotional _human_. It was pathetic, really.  


“Maybe because you're becoming weak, Lucifer. Nobody likes a Devil who spends his time drowning in self-pity. If only...”, before being able to finish, Maze was interrupted by a twenty something man with a serious case of bed hair.  
“Excuse me, but you don't happen to have a pen and a piece of paper?”, he looked quite desperate and had a pleading look in his eyes. Lucifer sighed.

“Look, any other time I would have loved to give you my number and sleep with you, but today I'm really not in the...”

“Dude, what the fuck? I never said anything about sex! Ugh.” With a slightly disgusted look he turned to Maze.

“Do you have pen and paper?”

Looking at Lucifer for his reaction, Maze handed the man a block and a pen. Lucifer was staring at him, frowning with a look of absolute incomprehension on his face. Apparently, the man noticed the starring too.

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Why do you not want to sleep with me?”

The question earned him an exasperated look, but the man didn't say anything. Instead, he scribbled something on the paper and with the most royal bitch-face Maze and Lucifer had ever scene -and each of them had had their fair share of the expression- he showed the paper to Lucifer.

 _asexual: (adj.) who does not experience sexual attraction_

He had barely time to read it before the man turned away and trudged of in the opposite direction. In the few seconds it took Lucifer to get out of his stupor, he had disappeared in the crowd.  


“Wait! Bloody hell, why do people always run away when you need them?” Leaving the rest of his scotch on the bar, Lucifer made his way into the room, trying to find the young man who just had turned him down so rudely.  


“Well that was unexpected,” Maze mumbled under her breath before downing the drink herself.

In the end, Lucifer found the man in a dark corner of the club with a young blonde who seemed very persistent in getting to know him better. The man himself seemed persistent in getting her to lose interest in him.

“What about _this_ ,” he held the paper he had previously shown Lucifer up to her face, “is so hard to understand? I. Don't. Want. To. Sleep. With. You. Ever,” he nearly spat in her face.

“Aw, come on, you don't have to hide it. A good looking, single guy like you must be quite desperate...”, she nearly purred and looked at him with bedroom eyes. The man looked distressed and uncomfortable, a fact he still managed to hide quite well behind his anger. In this moment, Lucifer decided to step in.

“Yes, desperate to be left alone! I'm quite sure you've heard the man, now do as he says and get lost!”

For one short moment it seemed as if the woman would stand her ground, but one look of Lucifer and she hurried away. He turned to the man who wore a look of relief on his face and had sat down on the backrest of the sofa in the alcove next to him. “Thanks man. Really appreciate the help. Don't know how I would have escaped her otherwise. She didn't even believe that I didn't want to sleep with her when I told her I was ace!”

“Well, actually, about that...”, Lucifer tried to intervene with a seemingly forced smile on his face, but before he could finish his sentence, the man interrupted him again.

“Dude, I sincerely appreciate your help, but I'm really asexual and I didn't just tell her that to make her back off. Seriously, I don't want to sleep with you”, he said, exasperated. Now it was Lucifer's turn to roll his eyes.

“I know, and if you had listened to me the first time, you would know that I really don't want to sleep with you tonight either. But my question is: how do you know you're asexual?”

The question seemed to take the man aback.  


“Uh, well, I'm not attracted to people in any way? And frankly, sex grosses me out a bit.”

“But you could have sex if you wanted to? You could have a child?”  
Now, the man seemed to be even more confused, but definitely more in his element than when he had tried to defend himself from the young blonde Lucifer had just sent flying.  


“I see. Okay dude, if you're this interested in the topic, sit down because it might take some time.” He pointed at the couch and let himself slide into the seat. Without taking his eyes off him, Lucifer sat down.

“So, uh, how do I explain this the best way? Well, attraction is not equal to action. Like, you know how you can eat even when you're not hungry because you know it tastes good or something like that? It's a bit like that. Just because an asexual person decides to have sex doesn't mean they're necessarily attracted to the person they wanna have sex with, you know?”

The answer wasn't nearly as helpful as the man intended it to be. Lucifer was still as confused as before.

“Why would you have sex if you're not attracted to someone? That doesn't make any sense!”

“I don't know, for different reasons, I guess. Because you love someone, because you want to have kids, because you actually like having sex because of the way it feels? Don't ask me, man, I don't want to sleep with anyone!”

Without warning, Lucifer jumped up, nearly knocking the guy off his seat.  


“I have to go! Thank you for your help! Tell Maze the rest of your drinks tonight are on me!” With these words, he left a bewildered stranger sitting alone in the club, still clutching a piece of paper in his right hand.

It was 2:26 am in the morning and definitely too late for Chloe Decker to still be awake. Unfortunately, a frantic knocking on her door had woken her. Still half asleep, she dragged herself to her door and braced herself to unleash the fury of the century on whoever thought it was a good idea to wake her on this unholy hour. And maybe she would have gotten her way if the person in question didn't happen to be Lucifer bloody Morningstar.

“You don't want to sleep with me because you're asexual!” he declared before she could say anything with a triumphant voice as if he had just proven the existence of God himself. Unfortunately for him, Chloe was still too tired to fully process what he was saying. The only words she heard were _want to sleep with me_ and _sexual_ and she was not in the mood for this kind of conversation.

“Lucifer, I think I've made myself very clear that I will never sleep with you. And now go home, it's 2 am, I need to go to work tomorrow and if I'm particularly unlucky, you will too. Just go to sleep like everybody else!” Lucifer opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get anything out, the door was slammed in his face and he was left all alone on detective Decker's doorstep. Shrugging, he turned around and walked over to his corvette. He would have to talk to her about this later. Maybe after she had a coffee. But definitely later.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, over 100 Kudos! Seriously, you guys are amazing, I would never have dreamed of so many people reading and liking this fic! Thank you all so much! An  
> I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please don't hesitate and come talk to me either on tumblr ([Helene-Of-Flowers](http://helene-of-flowers.tumblr.com/welcome)) or on twitter ([HeleneOfFlowers](https://twitter.com/HeleneOfFlowers))!


End file.
